>Random thoughts on gender & I

>Two people I love have made comments towards my gender slippage recently, effectively suggesting I either am or am becoming, a man. This post is to clarify that as simply and succinctly as I am able to here.

Granted, I do tend to prefer he to she and him to her nowadays… but I am not a man. However I don’t much enjoy being defined as a woman any more, either; I prefer guy, gent, person etc.

I have some fairly unmissable feminine bits (up above and down below) and I am not afraid to use them either. If it works don’t knock it I say. Mind you I do tend to prefer being the aggressor/doer nowadays, and let’s not even go into which orifices I prefer here… I’m trying to be delicate here ~cough~

It is however a very blurred line. I’m still most of the woman that I always was, a biological parent and grandparent (ergo ‘mum’ & ‘gran’); but now I’m also the masculine me that hitherto I never felt I was allowed to be. I have very short hair now and I don’t wear dresses, but I like to keep a flash of gold in my ear.

I am simply me, at home in my skin, satisfied and complete. Seemingly complex, yet terribly simple really. I’m just a big ole softy who’s trying to save the world in my own little way; one person at a time apparently. ~chuckles~

Yes, I am awaiting an appointment at the gender clinic in Sheffield; however that is not to have a referral for T or for any kind of surgery to ‘correct’ any ‘wrong’. Do I really sound like I need voice training or look like I need dress coaching? I’m also rather partial to my face as it is.

Yes I may well feel the need to reshape my body some – with weight loss, toning up, a bit of muscle group building and yes, I’d rather not be quite so voluminous in the up above department, frankly – but I’m happy to do it au natural, in other words I have no desire to surgically alter myself.

I also don’t need to grow a… ‘downstairs man-bits’ with a pulse, thank you. I have my own, and it suits me (and my loves) very well indeed. I also have a jolly realistic one that I can remove for convenience; which is pretty cool for me.

My reason for attending that clinic is simple; support. Simply to be able to talk with someone who knows more about this stuff than I do; I want to be sure that I’m ok being me, basically. Validation? Approval? Perhaps. I do know I just need someone to talk to about gender who knows their field and can perhaps better understand where I’m coming from. I find it fascinating and I’m always up for advice or opinions from those who know something better than I. I like to learn and explore whether it’s about myself, life or anything I don’t really understand.

The real deal here, the thing that matters to me in clarifying who I am, is this (I believe)...

There is not always just a simple binary code as far as gender is concerned. That is society telling us what and who we should be. Male or female. Ours in particular, as there are plenty of others that do have far more fluidity within gender, and many have no taboo or stigma attached. Feminine men and masculine women are equally disdained in our culture; it’s time to change that society-determined and pretty warped perception. Sure, once upon a time it was important for procreation and population, but look around, is that really important now? Is one man one woman make babies really necessary any more? It’ll be healthier for the planet in the long run if more people stop following that ideology now.

With the vast numbers of people already fluidly changing, androgynous, altering gender altogether etc… more and more people are realising this; binary just simply doesn’t always cover it!

I have a small and relatively simple theory on this, please do bear with me.

In a similar way as we have, through evolution, utterly changed and melded as races in shapes, sizes, height, skin colourings etc. the human race is now a wonderful, beautiful inter-everything race of pretty much mongrels (believe me, no insult is inferred)… and as such even the gender lines are blurring. Many more of us nowadays are sitting somewhere on the bell curve, neither here, nor there, in anyone else’s society dictated binary code. 🙂

Whether that concept works for you or not, I’m certainly far happier and more comfortable being me now; whichever gender (or anything else) that you choose to perceive me as.

I’d also like to remind people that I am far more than just a gender; that is only one single part of what determines who I am. Granted it’s quite a big one, but I’m still the me inside, it’s just the packaging that’s changed.

Oh, one last thing before I go to bed at this dreadfully late hour. There IS a whole world of difference between transsexual and transgender. I consider myself transgender on the ftm curve, straddling the blurred lines of gender, leaning towards masculine rather than changing biologically and physically from one sex to the other. Enjoying all parts of myself, allowing myself freedom to fluctuate within my gender, happier nearer the masculine end than the feminine.

A transsexual wishes to change their biological sex, to ‘correct’ a biological birth error. A transgender person merely wishes to be and enjoy the gender to which they find their personality and inner view of themselves leaning; from merely changing their wardrobe to full transexuality at the other end of the scale.

So where was I, oh yes, that simple and succinct part of what I actually intended to say tonight?

I am not changing my sex from a woman to a man, I am redefining my gender from female to masculine (and yes, that particular choice of wording was deliberate: I preferred to choose female as where I was coming from rather than feminine, yet masculine as opposed to male as where I am now).

There is a vast difference. I will probably try to clarify (for readers, not for myself) this further in future. I merely felt the need to speak up at this point.

Hope that made sense.. it was a bit of a brain dump.
~doffs cap~


About DK Green (aka DKLeather)

- 51 year old parent, grandparent & unbelievably great grandparent! - Holistic psychotherapist & counsellor, supervisor, life coach, guide, hypnotherapist, shamanic practitioner, mentor, meditator, motorcycle and horse rider, celebrant and tarot reader. - Happily living a very diverse life filled with family, friends, loves, laughter and so much more. - Polyamorous. Passionate. Trans. Leather.
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17 Responses to >Random thoughts on gender & I

  1. LeatherEagle says:

    >~big smile~ Well said and really proud of you for saying it. Just the beginning of another chapter, not a new book ~s~ I love youLuisa

  2. Panther says:

    >Sometimes I feel that I’m the only one in the world…..I prefer Sir and Daddy….but I am ok with the body I’m in….I wish more people would accept that gender is NOT BINARY.

  3. leathers says:

    >It makes better sense now, but it might have been better before posting in the masculine form previously that you had perhaps posted this sort of explanation then, rather than now. What’s done is done of course, but it does make a better sense of sense now that there’s more of a history both backwards and now forwards.

  4. Trinity says:

    >Thank you Dk, and answered over at my spot. :)And Panther, you’re not the only one I assure you. 🙂

  5. Colin says:

    >So glad you wrote this; it really resonated with me. We need more like you out there. Keep up the good writing! Love,Domestic Kitty

  6. ThugBear says:

    >I love the way your brain works… and it is as always incredibly well spelled. Good luck on your journey mate.The TransBear Across the Pond.

  7. Katygrrl says:

    >~hugs~ you’re just you. x

  8. DK Green says:

    >Thank you all, for all these wonderful comments. leathereagle – thanks wyfe. I love you too xpanther – fantasticleathers – although I don’t necessarily feel I have to justify myself on my own blog; I do suspect I was still working things out for myself! ~grins and doffs cap~trinity – excellent, thankscolin – that’s very generous of you, thank youthugbear – ~laughs~ thank you, very much!katy – thank you sweetheart

  9. subvile says:

    >Very well said Mister..it’s how I’ve always seen you anyway..xx

  10. neil h says:

    >There was an interesting series of articles on Box Turtle Bulletin a while ago discussing same sex marriage from a anthropological perspective. The whole series is worth reading, but this paragraph caught my eye:First, gender does not inherently correspond to biological sex. Stanton acknowledges this in his discussion of the gender transformation in some same-sex marriages. A biological male is able to perform the gender of a woman and a biological female is able to perform the gender of a man. Of relevance, the Bugis of Indonesia recognize five genders: two of which are masculine, two feminine, and one androgynous. The Bugis allow marriage between two masculine individuals, two feminine individuals, a masculine with a feminine individual, two biological males, two biological females, and a biological male with a biological female, always provided the spouses belong to different gender categories: the androgynous gender is excluded from marriage.The original post is here

  11. Maddie says:

    >This really does make a lot of sense.And thank you so much for clarifying things by way of posting this. It’s very much appreciated. *big smile*Hope that you and yours are doing all right, that things are going okay, and that today goes all right for you all.God bless.Hugs and love you. *HG*Take care and talk to you later. Bye DK, :)! Olga/Maddie

  12. DK Green says:

    >thank you again for all your wonderful comments; it really helps x

  13. aims says:

    >I am so far out of your group living across the pond and really just getting to know you and yours….but still – having grown up with a gay brother and been involved in so much of all of that – I feel like I might be able to comment without making a complete fool of myself.Just be you K. And if people don’t like it – piss on them.I know your wyves adore you and that you have found a place to be you and a place to fulfill your thoughts and desires and to be happy in. That’s what counts. The world can fade away as long as you and yours are happy.I think your forward journey is going to be a very interesting and growing one. I look forward to seeing how it goes from the sidelines way over here.

  14. DK Green says:

    >aims – thank you so much 🙂

  15. Leigh says:

    >Having been born in the right body with the ‘accepted’ preferences, I can only imagine what it is like to find yourself without a ‘society-approved’ pigeon hole.Doff cap back to you, for being prepared to share all this. I really admire you for that.

  16. DK Green says:

    >~warm smile~ welcome to my blog Leigh! Good to see you here, glad you got something from my gender piece. I’m looking forward to getting down my feelings on many things, in here, gradually. Hope you are well?

  17. Trixie says:

    >Amazing where blogboxing takes you. Good on ya!

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