Where am I today? Languishing.
There was a wonderful piece written by Adam Grant all about it[i] and I know it resonated for many. Languishing. Not quite depression, but also not quite ok. Low motivation and energy, lethargy, just ‘not quite ok’ but also ‘can’t quite put my finger on it’.
So yes, I’m fine. But I’m also just sort of, on some level, kinda not ok. I’m tired, so very tired all the time. I’m working probably only a little more than usual, but it just feels so very much more. I’m finding other commitments, usually healthy, harmless and engaging, involve more mental/emotional labour, it’s just more like more work. Everything feels a little like work.
Yes of course I’m missing people, achingly so regarding some, yet I don’t seem to have the wherewithal to do much about it. I’m missing fun, travel, adventure… and yet the same, can’t seem to find the motivation to do diddly about that either. It’s really rather rubbish!
I’d really welcome a few days of nothing, rest, recuperation, restorative laziness… but would it actually restore? Or is this deeper than that, the cumulative result of a very tough year (for all), a collective global lived through trauma, a shift in reality, an unexpected massive change in life that we’re all still living through in many ways. Not knowing whether a genuine return to the old version of ‘normal’ is ever going to quite happen. Wondering what changes might stay. Pondering what is possible to retrieve.
Throw in some real world worries like a loved one with a worrying injury, another loved one with dreadful chronic health issues (etc) and bob’s your uncle, I feel what can only really be described as ‘splat’. It’s like my resources, my resilience, my gung ho, can do it all, usual self somehow drifted off into the sunset and I can’t seem to locate him.
I know I am actually ok. My health is manageably good, my home and relationships, my family and friends, my work… all pretty good. But yes… languishing is definitely very much a thing.
I’m grateful for my home (my very safe, loving, gilded cage), my return to better health, my loved ones of all kinds. I don’t have to fight for food or shelter, or money. I’m blessed to bits.
So frankly sod off languishing, you’re a rubbish companion.