Dreaming a reality

Finished work for today.

Thoughts drift as I rest, to pictures of a bright and full future, glowing with hard work and magic.

A new home between woods and sea on the south coast. A community, shared with beloveds and those who choose to work alongside and share with us a certain way of living and being. A place we can live, work, breathe, fulfill our dreams, be free to be who we are and share all that we do with others.

A place for holding circles, creating workshops, enjoying firesides, crafts, woods, sea, drum and song. A place for growth, spirituality and sexuality.

A studio for the arts. A workshop for building and creating. Rooms of our own for therapy, writing, working, leisure and pleasure. Fresh eggs, milk and veg from our own backyard. Dogs, cats and horses of course.

So much beauty to live, love, breathe and share. All whilst and for doing the work; therapy, social conscience/activism/justice, growth, peace, love, life and laughter for ourselves and for others.

Yes, we’re almost there folks. Next year. The right place and property will come. Because we’ve been here 12 years now, working towards this and because I never stopped believing and having faith.

Did I mention that I love my life?

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Spring has definitely sprung

New Blog post over on DKGreen.com x

DK Green Counselling

I’m somehow more keenly aware of how blessed I am in this life lately. Revelling in unexpected sunshine and warmth, enjoying the scents and colours of new flowers and budding green shoots everywhere, and feeling my smile widen with the promise of Summertime teas in the garden and beach or woodland walks with loved ones.

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However, it wasn’t always like this for me. In the past I’ve had periods of troubled times and life has been less than kind from time to time. Just like you, I’ve weathered storms of mental and emotional anguish, troubles both physical and emotional… and fortunately found my way out of those times, with the love and support I’ve been blessed with but also, with outside help from a therapist.

Not everyone has the support of loved ones. Sometimes even with the loving nurture of those around us, troubled times can feel simply too much to…

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The wheel turns once more

DK Green Counselling

garden jan15The breath of fresh air that this morning was for me, was a simple reminder of how that feels. The eyelid moistening relief. The tickle of an unbidden smile. Hope for the future. The allowance for room in each day to pause, to enjoy a moment as the present (both in time, and gift) that it is.

Having a period of time with a little of life’s challenges getting in the way of the smiles (loss, grief, fear/worry), we can forget these things, so easily. It’s called being human.

Stepping out into my garden and breathing deeply, smiling, enjoying… I was suddenly reminded that ‘this’ is precisely what I truly aim for with my clients who may be struggling. This moment of renewal. This love of life. This appreciation for all things. This ‘not’ looking at the garden through windows and seeing rain, stark, cold, empty, worry or fear, but actually stepping…

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New year new start?

DK Green Counselling

The seasonal joy we see prolifically on social media around this time of year is wonderful. For those who are sharing it.

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That is unless of course you’re really not feeling the ‘Christmas cheer’.

This can be for many reasons. Perhaps you are alone for Christmas or New Year (as always, again, or for the first time). Some things that are arguably harder to bear at this time are loss, bereavement, relationship collapse, financial stress or perhaps a traumatic event. To be alone for Christmas is difficult, compounding a sadness that we may not struggle to endure quite so much, at other times. To lose someone and to grieve at any time is hard, but at this time can feel inexplicably significant. Worries and stress around work and money can sometimes be exaggerated by the pressures of those shiny boxes beneath the tree, not to mention the anxieties invited by stressed shoppers or overwhelming family gatherings.

Whatever the reason, it can…

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Fervent fevered ramblings

 Fighting Fever. Warring Self. Dark Nights.

dk fever

Fever

Altered mind states

Truly alone within

Brief moments of pure clarity

Journey

I currently have chickenpox. To be entirely specific, the doc said it’s the same virus as causes chickenpox and shingles (and a dozen others that ‘mimic’ those), but lays somewhere in between. It’s sucky! Suffice to say I have a myriad of delightful, tiny blisters in the strangest places all over, including my face. I’ll come back to that. As they burst and heal they scab. Lovely. Did I mention the insanity-provoking itching? Calamine and antihistamines have been my friend. Added to that over the past day or so, pain relief, as the headache from dehydration is profound (yes I’m drinking gallons, even sugar/salt sachet solutions to combat it, but the fever and sweats… oh the sweats). 

So yes, having a ball here in my ‘spare room of isolation’. That phrase has become representative of the whole experience to me. Literally the isolation; yes of course my beloveds check on me, bring me sustenance, tea and sympathy… but I spend endless hours alone, in my own company.

I discovered again on day 1 that I quite enjoyed my own company. That was pleasant. Having quiet, peace, rest and even just ‘time’ to myself was a delight, despite feeling so rotten. Solitude is something lacking in my life and, as busy and lovely as it is, I resolved to take more quality time for me in future, rather than existing on the few snatched hours of sofa/flump/collapse at the quiet end of the day.

Yes. Rest too is lacking, real rest. Also imposed during this period of poorliness and equally appreciated with the same, new-found respect.

Being in this ‘spare room of isolation’ is interesting, fascinating intellectually and emotionally. Cut off from the rest of the house, separated physically for the sake of everyone else (my beloveds, visitors etc), for prevention of contagion. But gosh, it really is ‘separating’ after a few days. Like being completely cut off and plonked on a mountaintop for meditative contemplation.

Around day 3 I realised I felt quite institutionalized. Automated. Numbed to it. This room could quite literally be in a different country, or underground. If it weren’t for the changing light from the window and the greenery of the garden view, I’d not know what time or day it is. Thank goodness for technology, at least I have outside ‘entertainment’ and communication (after a fashion) when I really desire it. It’s quite hard work though. I don’t have much energy outside of fighting this revolting virus. And for thought. Although I have discovered a resilience and ability to focus for short periods, thus have managed a few client sessions from here. Inordinately pleased about that.

I’ve had many ‘lessons’ from this experience. It has shown me quite clearly, several things I needed to look at. Spiritually I’ve explored a real sense of self, truthful awareness, deep core beliefs and illusions. Something I’ve not had the simple luxury of time to explore for awhile. Philosophy. Sociology. Anthropology. Spirituality. My mind’s been all over the place. Ponderances and realisations around the whole human physical body mental/emotional construct rubbish we have going on, a bit like the cultural societal ones we exist in, often without being aware of it, until we look for it that is. Flesh sacks on loan between spiritual progress steps. Body is a temple? Yeah… some real work to do there too. Deep, huh? 

Vanity. Gosh I’d hate for anyone to see me this way. My face? A red, blistery, scabby, icky mess. Healing now, thank goodness. But ugh. Talk about looking in the mirror at one’s own physical vanity. Talking of social constructs. Hah, hoisted by my own petard so to speak. Recognised, laughed at, accepted and ignored. Phew.

Day 5. There’s an expression called ‘the shaman’s death’. Also rebirth. The stripping away of ‘self’, surpassing fear, into acceptance. Allowing. Appreciating. So much more, far more than I can do justice within mere words. Timelessness. Formlessness. Connection to all things. Cellular level, experiential, phenomenological and on a more spiritual woo-woo level… moving from head, to heart. From mind, to spirit. Flowing between the realms. Fascinating stuff. An unintentional (at least consciously) Vision Quest. Who needs a tent in the woods?

Did I mention I have a fever? ~chuckles softly~ Talk about altered mind states. There are other ways to get there, I’ve tried most in my lifetime, but nowadays simple meditation, shamanic journeying, or tantric… well, you get the idea. Doesn’t usually take a fever. However this particular experience certainly resonates with a more recent and profound spiritual ‘experience’ a few months back. Similar to others in the past too. Round and around and around and around we go, till all is let go, accepted, learned. The great cosmic joke. The nonsense that is time. The unreality of all that we perceive of as, reality.

I expect I’ll read this when I’m fully lucid and roll my eyes at the poor language, falling short of explaining fully. My own, limited thoughts and feelings splurged onto the page without, to be truthful, much consideration for you poor things reading it. Ah well. I write it for me, by way of a journal through this experience. If anyone should read it? Good luck!

To sleep, perchance to indulge in more feverish spirit work in the dreamtime. All growth. All lessons.

Off I go to die and be reborn again a few dozen times bathed in sweat and darkness… ~chortles and doffs cap~

DK x

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Genitals Do Not Equal Gender

WARNING: graphic language. If this offends you, don’t watch!

Genius. Our generation barely ‘scratched the scratch’ of all this gender business.

YOUR Generation Holly; you will carry this forward to it’s only possible conclusion. This is the message of THIS generation.

Full support, massive love and total respect. Welcome Hollie Hewitt ♥

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Long time no see

My irregularity in posting entries on this is perturbing, if amusing.

Hi all. Yes, I’m still here and very much alive. Life has had it’s share of ups and downs (haven’t we all) and yet I felt inspired to put metaphorical pen to paper again as for me now? My life is a beautiful place. Sure there are concerns, worries, heart sore places, but overall life is once again a magical thing.

I’m sure of me, of who and what I am. Secure and content in the knowledge of all I have achieved, accomplished and am working hard to continue to succeed in. After a few years of faltering, stumbling, grazing my knees and doubting all I believed, with the help of my own spiritual and personal growth path (and plenty of help and learning, mostly the long or hard way) I feel at last content with who I am, and happy to continue to work on all arising that I feel needs to be worked upon as it occurs, as well as finally relaxing and enjoying all that I have achieved and am.

My marriage is a beautiful thing, the gifts of the life I share with Rachel and Lu are deeply treasured and thankfully sublime. After a tough few years with more challenges to face than many survive, we are strong, we are three and we are eternal with long term dreams and shared visions once more. Gratitude is truly all.

In work, business, my life is finally really taking shape. After losing my previous career when my health took an inglorious swan dive several years ago, I gritted my teeth and ploughed through no less than five years of education to re-qualify from the beginning; given the unexpected opportunity so late in life to do so and to allow myself to believe in and enjoy my work with passion, vigour and renewed sense of purpose. What I’m good at. What I truly love to do. Magic. How lucky was I in hindsight?

My family is wonderful. My youngest Lina, after having a difficult time through school with bullying and other stuff, is really maturing into a fabulous human being and an awesome young woman; so much fun, clever, witty, smart and most assuredly, entirely her own individual person! My son Tony is so happy and in love, working now after achieving his music degree at University. He plans to further qualify to become a primary school teacher, which is handy as his new love Amy has the same plan! My eldest daughter Kirsty works hard and is a damn good TA at school, happy and married to her love Kerry, their son Kyle, and with a new baby, a grandson for me on the way to arriving in June! My stepdaughters Liane and Katie (and her husband James) and their wonderful children, my step-grandchildren Connor, Coco (Liane’s) and Corey and Bethany (Katie’s) are a source of fun, love and joy to me too. My parents dad Ken and mum Gina are another source of joy in my life. My wider family too.

…and as for friends. Gosh. I find myself surrounded by loves, beloveds, treasured and adored friends and so many ‘chosen family’ among them. They share our lives. We treasure sharing theirs.

Travel. A life long love of mine and one I was never able to enjoy much previously… now is a part of my life. Every year we travel somewhere new, see new parts of this wonderful world. Tick off ‘bucket list’ entries and pictures long ago collected into a ‘dream book’ I still treasure. This year? The month of November will be spent in America, travelling to New York for a family member’s wedding (Lu’s niece, Dani), then across to San Fransisco and California including the Grand Canyon, a drive down the Pacific Coast Highway, Las Vegas, meeting up with long missed family (of Lu’s) and friends of ours. So much excitement!

This year my goals are set and already progress being made towards them solidly. By May? I’ll have my own car again and be able to commit to/afford to finally undertaking my Masters Degree. By the end of the year I’ll have my own office to work from in town instead of working in clients/my home… and most importantly we’ll have cleared our debts (just the usual overdrafts/credit cards) so that by Jan 1st 2015 we’re completely in the black and I can devote ‘that’ year to saving. Because in just a few short years, less than four if I can help it, we’ll be finally realising our dream of moving to the south coast, to live, love and work by the sea… at long last.

Dreams are beautiful things. Goals are achievable. Life? Life… is beautiful. So this post? Just plain old gratitude, hope and excitement.

My dream, my inner dream if you will, is to help others to achieve the feeling I have right now. To achieve, dream, believe and succeed. To be the best they can be and have the best they could wish for. To live with passion, joy and smiles.

Big aims? Hell yes. And I for one won’t settle for anything less!

Ain’t life grand?

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